San Francisco Brown Twins
Apparently I look like a lot of people. I’m constantly getting told that I resemble celebrities, friends of friends, infamous criminals, scarecrows or sidekick detectives in mid-nineties Canadian police comedy-dramas.

I’ve been compared favourably and unfavourably to the following people:

  • Neil Morrissey
  • Fred Savage from The Wonder Years
  • Gary Neville
  • Spurs chairman Daniel Levy
  • Johnny Depp
  • David Schneider
  • Hank Azaria
  • Former EastEnders character Tariq
  • John Cusack
  • Ray Vecchio from Due South

This list is in no way a comprehensive one.

According to people who know me or meet me, I look like every dark-haired man who has ever been on television (for those of you who have never seen my face – the person I look most resemble on that list is Johnny Depp. For those that have seen my face – shut up).

The person I actually look the most like is my doppelgänger. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen your doppelgänger (how would I? I don’t know even who you are), but it’s an unsettling experience. A doppelgänger, as you no doubt know, is a person’s exact double, a replicant of them. They are supposed to be harbingers of evil, of doom. Spot yours and apparently, terrible luck or even death is heading your way. Which can be a real shit for twins.

Luckily I was with a friend when I saw mine, so I could get confirmation that I wasn’t imagining it. It was ridiculous. The man had the same build as me, same height, skin tone, high forehead, everything. He had the same shit haircut and fifties-style glasses. The man was even dressed liked me, cheap grey plimsolls, the lot.

Was it some sort of joke? Had Ashton Kutcher run out of Hollywood celebrities to Punk that he had to get his kicks winding up ordinary blokes from Reading now? Is that what this was?

Had someone spiked my drink and I was now hazily and incredulously staring at some poor elderly woman, simply imagining that she looked like me? Perhaps this was all a figment of my imagination brought on by experimental electromagnetic stimulation therapy, causing the left temporoparietal junction of my brain to simulate dislocated self images?

Or was I just looking at a man who looked a bit like me?

It was that last one – the man looking a bit like me one. But still… It was pretty weird.

If you enjoyed these ramblings, you should be ashamed of yourself and go out and buy a fucking book or something. Or follow me on Twitter.

Oh, and who do I look most like? I’ll let you make up your own mind:

Fred Savage

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This Curious Thing was submitted by Steve Charnock, or someone very like him.

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Via Twitter.

hello ghost
One year to the day after my mother died, I was taking a walk around a Westwood-ish neighbourhood in Los Angeles. That in itself could be the curious circumstance, but something even weirder occurred.

As I was nearing the end of my walk, I saw a woman at the top of the hill on Eastbourne Ave. Her brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she was sitting on a low wall as if waiting for a ride. I approached and I noticed that she was wearing essentially the same outfit my mother wore to Saturday morning Sabbath services: black cello pants and a gold and black striped, tunic-style top. It happened to be an overly bright and cheery Saturday morning.

I passed before her head down, trying hard to pretend I hadn’t just been staring, and she asked me, ‘How is it going up that hill?’

I said, turning back toward her, ‘Gotta do it if I want to eat what I like to eat.’

She laughed. I saw her face and froze. She smiled at me.

We could have been related.

She was about 65 or 68. My mother would have been 70. Her eyes were blue and not green like my mother’s, but the cheekbones, the dimples, the eyebrows, even her earlobes were so familiar. She could have been my aunt (the nose!) or my grandmother (the jaw line!) or my great-grandmother (the light in her eyes!).

How could one woman I had never seen in the neighbourhood or in my life look like four of my female relatives? I was spooked and said goodbye. Then I ran away home. Didn’t dare turn back to see if she was really there.

I still wonder if grief made me hallucinate this woman and her question. I think of it often. My response flew from my mouth as if I’d known her my whole life. Would someone across the street have seen me talking to an older woman waiting for her ride to Saturday services or to thin air?

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This story is from the downright uncanny polymath Rachel Rhodes. You can listen to her music on Virb, and follow her on Twitter.

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Electric Brae
I spent the first few years of my life living in Scotland, and after moving away the family would go back pretty much every summer to visit relatives (and test our ability to sit in a car together for eight hours without eviscerating each other). One of the numerous lovely things about the south-west of Scotland is a wee place in Ayrshire called The Electric Brae (pronounced “bray”).

The Electric Brae is a place where, seemingly, the laws of physics have gone bye-bye. On a fairly nondescript stretch of the A719, locals need to take care when driving about their business for fear of crashing into tourists dicking about in the middle of the road. Why do fools from all over the world come to do this dicking?

It is because, if you turn off the engine of your car and release the handbrake, it will roll uphill. If you drop a ball onto the road, it will bounce up the incline. Pour some liquid onto the surface and it will duly trickle away – up the slope.

This is thrilling enough for adults. It achieves that result magicians aim for, recreating in their cynical, jaded husk of a body the ability to gawp and grin with glee at something which just shouldn’t happen. In children, it almost literally makes the brain implode. It would be interesting to know how many mischievous nippers have attempted to push the pram/buggy containing their younger sibling up the hill, in the hope it will continue rolling and eventually just take off and fly into space. Not that I ever did that, you understand.

I’d also love to know who first discovered the phenomenon, and whether they managed to survive the inevitable ensuing accusations of witchiness.

There’s a frustrating lack of decent video of the phenomenon on OoToob, but this in-car snippet captures it quite well, I think:

How does this enchanted A-road work? Well, the stretch is called The Electric Brae (”brae” meaning slope) because for many years it was thought to be some kind of manifestation of electromagnetic jiggerypokery. You know, like Lost but without the whispering and polar bears and murderous black vapour.

The truth, as truth will often insist on being, is a bit more drab. The Electric Brae is an example of that magic-trashing spoilsport, the “optical illusion”. You can’t imagine how disappointed I was to learn this, especially since for many years I’d been telling my schoolfriends that while they may be going to Disneyworld that summer, I’d be frolicking in a magic road thankyouverymuch.

Thankfully the truth is as difficult to understand as if the phenomenon was caused by spectral dragonflies pooing on gravity. Every time I try and get my head around the explanation – which you can read here – my eyes glaze over at the mentions of degrees, perspective and topography.

In my version of the world, if the truth is too hard to understand you’re fully entitled to use your God-given ignorance to disbelieve it. I think it is such wilful ignorance that will allow magic to exist FOREVAAAH. It might also mean David Blaine becomes president, but that seems a small price to pay.

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This X-File was submitted by that nice, young, eerily calm Stuart Waterman from LOLsome music blog My Chemical Toilet. You should read it, then follow him on Twitter, cos he’s reet funny.

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Ghost Train
My mother’s first grown-up job was at the Arts Council. Every weekday she’d slip on her clogs, poncho and mood ring (or whatever the hell they wore in the 1970s) to board a commuter train that bore her far from the sleepy bucolic Sussex village our family lived in then, to smoky old London.

These were the days of slam-door trains and compartmentalised carriages. Like many commuters, my mother had a preferred compartment, which she shared with her “train buddies” – an unlikely band of prim secretaries, wispy academics and well-fed city gents who scratched and farted behind their newspapers. Despite their disparate natures this was their compartment and they all loyally saved each others’ seats on both outbound and return journeys.

At the time my mother was a young liberal with a head full of ideas and a spirit entirely unbroken by years of office drudgery. She regularly worked long hours, skipping lunch then belting across London to catch the last train back to Sussex. Unsurprisingly, once she’d greeted her train buddies and kicked off her shoes, she was generally asleep before the train left Victoria Station.

One rainy night, on the train home from London, my mother had the oddest dream.

She dreamt she was in total darkness – upright but somehow dangling, with a fresh breeze on her skin and whispering all around her. She couldn’t move much, just hung there limply – for some reason this didn’t frighten her and she began to realise she was in motion.

The darkness ahead of her broke up into lighter patches and soon she found herself emerging from a thick line of trees into an open field under a rain-soaked sky – still hanging in the air, a couple of feet above the dewy grass, quietly becoming soggy with rain.

My mother looked around herself wondering, with that absent, semi-aware dream-sense, about how odd dreams were in general.

Then she heard a noise and fixed her gaze on the other end of the field. Which is when she saw the train.

Her train.

A long dark bar lit with carriages, shuttling from left to right, parallel to the line of trees form which she’d just emerged.

My mother thought something like, How curious. This must be an actual field I see every day from the train and I’ve never consciously realised it.

And with that thought, she started moving forwards at an increasing, impossible speed.

Her hair whipped out behind her and the grass slapped damply against her stockinged toes with a fast, memorable fapp-fapp-fapp noise. The side of the speeding train grew larger and larger in her field of vision, until she was sure she was going to be squished against it – and then she was somehow being delivered gently onto the train – she remembers very clearly landing daintily on the lip of an end-carriage door.

And then she was inside the train – in a corridor outside some compartments.

Some moments later, and then only after some fierce self-pinching, my mother realised three things:

1. She was awake.
2. She was soaking wet.
3. She was shoeless.

Sheepishly she found her usual compartment and sidled into it to find her compartment buddies gaping at her. Where have you been? They demanded. Apparently at some point during the journey, my shoeless, previously deep-asleep mother had disappeared from the snug compartment.

Without any of her six companions noticing.

Nominally my mother puts this all down to sleepwalking into the corridor and leaning out of the window. Once when she was a young teen she awoke, fully dressed in school uniform, outside her school gates at five in the morning.

“But,” she will tell you at any of her dinner parties to this day, “That doesn’t explain the wet grass on my feet.”

I have no idea if that last part is true or not. But I have met two of her erstwhile train buddies who swear up and down to the meat of this story.

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